Most times we desire to be better people than we currently are so every once in a while we will make commitments to go the extra mile. We will take on tasks that require endurance to keep going when we would rather give up. We commit to doing with much less than we could comfortably like. We diet, exercise, read, pray, save, endure, empathise and try to understand, we are patient, we practise restraint we endure and we sacrifice. Unfortunately the world still continues without much regard to our efforts. The easy alternatives do not always go away. The ordinary is still accepted and offered to us. We endure and we keep going, our willpower and self confidence growing with every good day. We even start to glow in the affirmation of others when results start to show. We improve and yaay we are better people. Then one day something upsets our routine and we decide to just let it slide for a day. The next day there is another acceptable reason for us to pass again. Third time, fourth time and we think maybe we will just let this week slide. Next week we almost resume but gosh we have forgotten how painful it is and so we reduce the standard. A week, two weeks, a month and slowly but surely we slide back to where we started - only that this time we now carry the guilt and regret of having failed. At what point is it okay to just throw in the towel? Is there hope to try again? At what point can we make peace with the guilt and regret and just be?
I will confess : Initially I thought this was for someone else out there but I realise maybe I needed to hear it more myself. Amongst the many other things I have slacked on, is this very blog. Busy days at work, family and friends visiting, writers block, lame internet and its been all sixteen weeks since I last posted here. Yes initially there were excuses but with time it became an issue of whether I still deserved it? Or maybe I should just be content with the fact that at some point in my life I was once a good blogger and close that chapter. Unfortunately when we have failed, the greatest enemy becomes that carried over feeling of failure and inconsistency. The doubt about whether we deserve another chance. That fear that what if we fail again? That false comfort to say ‘For what it was worth-those were good days' But what happens to out true potential and what we still could have been? What if someone was looking to us for inspiration? Maybe these are just my little fears and insecurities but just in case someone out there fights the same battles possible with a different issue may I encourage you to try again. Maybe just once more? Today?
It does not matter how many days, weeks, months or years it has been since you last tried but I think today is a good day to try get back into it .Do not let slip ups or mistakes convince you that you are a failure. I believe that in this journey of life we are always work in progress. Only ready for this very day we are living but still requiring a little more toughening and wisening up for tomorrow so do not be too hard on yourself. Maybe yesterday you were not yet ready to stand that test you failed but gather wisdom from it, muster up enough courage and believe its not over until you master it. So just in case you have also fallen for the umpteenth time please do not give up on yourself. Slowly but surely, get yourself up, dust yourself of those negative hold backs and put one foot forward. You may be unsteady as you learn to get back into it but build on the confidence just like the last time. Get back into it- run, walk, limp and if you really can't gather enough strength you may crawl. You cannot do everything, but you should do everything you can.