Wednesday, 19 June 2013

Ten Common Relationship Killers

Relationships you say? Definitely love relationships come to mind for most people, though they are not our entire focus. Making relationships is important, but the hard and most important part is
keeping them together.
If you want to save your relationship, then better stay off this list at all times. Committing the following will strangle your relationship to death
Lack of Trust
People are so bent on creating their stereotypes and giving them life, which is usually the reason why most people lack trust for others. “Every man is a dog, women are not to be trusted, everyone is stealing to make a living”. Such unfounded stereotypes are the reasons why those who believe in them can never trust other people. Treat every new person on their own merit not according to stereotypes. Cynicism destroys humanity’s ability to trust in each other. “How can I say I love someone, yet I don’t trust her when alone?” said Gweru-based Takudzwa Noel Phiri.
Pride
This ranks high on the list of the most common relationship killers. Many lose all they work for in a relationship just because they want to prove a point; simply because they want to assert that they are independent, when in actual fact all we know about life is just a huge web of interrelated beings. “It’s okay to lose your pride over someone you love, but don’t lose someone you love though over your pride”, sang one musician. Subject your ego to your relationships and they will flourish.
Lack of communication
Communication is one of the pillars that hold a relationship. Lack of it, for whatsoever reason, will definitely kill off a relationship. Never get too busy to communicate with the ones you care about. Remember communication brings about understanding.
Being controlling and manipulative
Some people domineer in any relationship they are in so much that they push people away. Relationships are not meant to be battlefields, but they are designed to bring a connection to people. Do not seek to always have your way or to have the last say, that attitude will certainly scare away any person close to you.
Inconsistency
This goes hand in hand with the controlling and manipulative nature. Some people are never consistent about their demands; unfortunately they usually make the most demands. The danger is that you never know how to please them because they always shift the goalposts. “Someone who runs hot and cold, eish, you never know. You keep adjusting yourself and expectations for someone who will constantly change the game,” Shamiso Masepe remarked about inconsistent people.
Lack of balance
“A friendship that is one-sided will certainly die,” Felistas Tarugarira said. This is unfortunately the case with most relationships where people always expect to receive, while never giving. Relationships are two-way, and never one-way. Never expect anyone to continuously look out for your interests if you don’t look out for theirs. A relationship that lacks balance will soon die the moment the person who was working on it gives up.
Comparisons
People thrive in an environment where they feel they are valued for who they are. Never make people feel like they have to be like someone else in order to earn your love. “Family wise, being sidelined and being compared to other children will certainly destroy a relationship between parents and children,” Cleopatra Nyazika responded when asked about common relations killers. Never compare people, value each person and what they bring.
Secrets
While you should exercise discretion on the personal information you share, hiding the truth from the people who deserve it usually turns ugly when you are found out. It’s better to tell on yourself than to be found. If you know that there is information you have to disclose, do so before it is too late. Lying definitely falls in among this lot.
Incoherent goals and views
There are some differences in views, perspectives and goals that need serious work to confront them and reconcile. People hate feeling compromised, so when you have very stark differences, especially involving beliefs, you are better off not forcing someone to make a choice but talking out things till you manage to reach common ground. Any attempt to impose might be futile and certainly lead to the relationship death.
Unmet promises
In any relationship unmet promises can result in lack of trust and also give birth to a latent bitterness. Never make too many promises especially when you do not plan to fulfil them. Most people promise what they cannot deliver, putting themselves in an estranged position by so doing.
Stay clear of these common relationship killers if you want to make your relationships work.
By Glen Dhliwayo

1 comment:

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