Step out a little further.....

Why do the boundaries of our comfort zone seem to always be a step ahead of us the very next day? Have you ever also felt the thrill of having overcome your fears slowly dwindle to that feeling of settling and comfort as more challenges are presented? As I have sought to be and do more- I have learnt that your comfort zone will give you enough seemingly valid excuses like I am busy, I am not really good at that or let me just stick to what I know. Yet most people of notable significance are of such varied skills and commitment it would never be possible to achieve so much whilst validating excuses I have since observed them to people who step out a little further out every day. Allow me to share just four of the many people who have been inspiring me lately.

*Tsitsi Mutendi- a mother and a wife who is the founder and editor of Jewel magazine,  a fashion designer for Mucha  and also a brand ambassador

*Nyaradzai Gumbonzvanda- A dynamic woman who is a lawyer by profession and has committed to empowering young women and women generally using her influence from sitting on various boards to be the voice for significance. A dynamic leader who sits at world level boards yet firmly rooted in her identity and grounded family person.

 * Glen Dhliwayo my business partner-high flying engineering student, blogger and columnist, young  leader and board member on notable youth organisations

* Rabison Shumba -A family man , motivational speaker, profound author, Technology specialist, an executive at a leading company  a father and a husband

These four people I have mentioned were at some point faced with challenges, fears and excuses that they chose not to validate but dared to dream and believe. I will also quickly point out that their growing influence and significance are testimony to regular questioning of whether this is their best and the willingness to take on new challenges. Please note these people have attained the ordinary benchmarks of success –good jobs, good education and families but they dared to believe and challenged themselves to be even more, to pursue their dreams and be significant to the empowerment and growth of others. I am also certain that there are so many other hats they wear that I may not have mentioned. Before you settle in a false state of satisfaction from your job, your family and your education just ask yourself-what could be, if I took one more step?

The optimum zone is always shifting as long as you have achieved a certain level of achievement there is still room within you to do more and be better. Significance refuses to find comfort in yesterdays achievements but wakes up every morning and asks how can I improve today? This is not a question asked in January when drafting resolutions but every single day. Daily they challenge their fears and excuses and dare to take on challenges they may ordinarily be not qualified for, have the time for and commit to make it work and be their very best. Every time when you have comfortably finished anything you do, just before you smile proudly and walk away- ask yourself how you can do more and step out a little further everyday.  Neale Walsh rightfully said Life begins at the end of your comfort zone and I can attest that the bliss of having done more than you ordinarily can take on compares to nothing. When you have done the good, step out a little further and be your optimum possible........

Embrace, release and run again!!!

Okay so its six months gone already and most of the resolutions and goals on your lists are still unticked and the frustration is really getting to you? No need to pull your hair out or kick the dog, keep calm and take a deep breath. The temptation is always there to kick yourself hard, let the frustration blind your effort or even give up but a new insight occurred to me-how about if you embraced the lessons from the delays, release the regret for what you may have done differently and run into the remaining half year with renewed enthusiasm?

The first step is to take a deep breath and have an honest look at why you have not progressed as fast as you may have planned to. Until you take time to really check where it is you went wrong in the last six months, the next six might turn out the very same way and far be it from you that you waste the whole year. So at this point I would say have that critically honest evaluation of what kept you from executing your plan and resolve to get it right. It could have been that you may not have managed your time very well, did not anticipate all the other responsibilities that then came your way or you just really are not sure what happened. Either way it is not too late to learn that you need to make a deliberate effort to get where you want to be at, deliberately avoid past pitfalls and stick to what worked well.

Yet again there are things you still believe you could have done differently and you just can’t seem to forgive yourself for not grabbing the opportunity. Understandably so, some may have seemed like the once in a lifetime opportunity that would have been your big break but  what good is that guilt trip besides blinding you to other opportunities currently in front of you? It would be an even worse tragedy if you miss more opportunities weeping over that one you already lost. It’s gone and if you really can’t bring it back then just let it go. No point in weeping over spilt milk so forgive yourself, release the regret and run with renewed enthusiasm,

There is still six more months in the year. Drawing strength from the lessons learnt, foundations built and the freedom from regret , run after your dreams with renewed enthusiasm. I am constantly amazed by the power of keeping keeping on because every time you try again you are wiser in at least one more way. So how about it, take time today to reflect on the last half year and decide on the necessary changes for a brighter last half of 2013.  Remember-though you cannot do everything, do not let it stop you from doing that which you actually can..in pursuit of significance.....

Ten Common Relationship Killers

Relationships you say? Definitely love relationships come to mind for most people, though they are not our entire focus. Making relationships is important, but the hard and most important part is

keeping them together.

If you want to save your relationship, then better stay off this list at all times. Committing the following will strangle your relationship to death

Lack of Trust

People are so bent on creating their stereotypes and giving them life, which is usually the reason why most people lack trust for others. “Every man is a dog, women are not to be trusted, everyone is stealing to make a living”. Such unfounded stereotypes are the reasons why those who believe in them can never trust other people. Treat every new person on their own merit not according to stereotypes. Cynicism destroys humanity’s ability to trust in each other. “How can I say I love someone, yet I don’t trust her when alone?” said Gweru-based Takudzwa Noel Phiri.

Pride
This ranks high on the list of the most common relationship killers. Many lose all they work for in a relationship just because they want to prove a point; simply because they want to assert that they are independent, when in actual fact all we know about life is just a huge web of interrelated beings. “It’s okay to lose your pride over someone you love, but don’t lose someone you love though over your pride”, sang one musician. Subject your ego to your relationships and they will flourish.

Lack of communication
Communication is one of the pillars that hold a relationship. Lack of it, for whatsoever reason, will definitely kill off a relationship. Never get too busy to communicate with the ones you care about. Remember communication brings about understanding.

Being controlling and manipulative
Some people domineer in any relationship they are in so much that they push people away. Relationships are not meant to be battlefields, but they are designed to bring a connection to people. Do not seek to always have your way or to have the last say, that attitude will certainly scare away any person close to you.

Inconsistency
This goes hand in hand with the controlling and manipulative nature. Some people are never consistent about their demands; unfortunately they usually make the most demands. The danger is that you never know how to please them because they always shift the goalposts. “Someone who runs hot and cold, eish, you never know. You keep adjusting yourself and expectations for someone who will constantly change the game,” Shamiso Masepe remarked about inconsistent people.

Lack of balance
“A friendship that is one-sided will certainly die,” Felistas Tarugarira said. This is unfortunately the case with most relationships where people always expect to receive, while never giving. Relationships are two-way, and never one-way. Never expect anyone to continuously look out for your interests if you don’t look out for theirs. A relationship that lacks balance will soon die the moment the person who was working on it gives up.

Comparisons
People thrive in an environment where they feel they are valued for who they are. Never make people feel like they have to be like someone else in order to earn your love. “Family wise, being sidelined and being compared to other children will certainly destroy a relationship between parents and children,” Cleopatra Nyazika responded when asked about common relations killers. Never compare people, value each person and what they bring.

Secrets
While you should exercise discretion on the personal information you share, hiding the truth from the people who deserve it usually turns ugly when you are found out. It’s better to tell on yourself than to be found. If you know that there is information you have to disclose, do so before it is too late. Lying definitely falls in among this lot.

Incoherent goals and views
There are some differences in views, perspectives and goals that need serious work to confront them and reconcile. People hate feeling compromised, so when you have very stark differences, especially involving beliefs, you are better off not forcing someone to make a choice but talking out things till you manage to reach common ground. Any attempt to impose might be futile and certainly lead to the relationship death.

Unmet promises
In any relationship unmet promises can result in lack of trust and also give birth to a latent bitterness. Never make too many promises especially when you do not plan to fulfil them. Most people promise what they cannot deliver, putting themselves in an estranged position by so doing.
Stay clear of these common relationship killers if you want to make your relationships work.

By Glen Dhliwayo

How to Become a Great Orator

Look here, whether you are going to deny this glaring fact or embrace it, it will always affect your life: This world is run by those who have mastered the art of captivating the hearts of men and stirring people’s hearts with the great and potent force of word, Orators!

History is a gallery of men whose words still remain thundering and echoing into eternity while their mortal bodies have long decayed. The truth is that all humans are ready to yield to those who say they words they want to hear in the way they want to hear it. Learn to use that human quality to your advantage.

What makes a great orator, one may ask? That is a question that most have already answered, though most answers are awfully wrong and off the mark. Most people think that all great orators were born with the quality inherently and they think that the extroverts are the ones who make great and powerful orators.

Well let’s look at a few pointers that can help you speaking your way into the hearts of men that gives you incredible power that few can resist.

1.      Talk sense

You cannot expect anyone to give you an ear, let alone take you seriously when you do not talk sense. You need to remember the simple but age old adage always and use it; “think before you talk.” You need to be able to clearly arrange and plan your words before you speak. Do not be reckless with words; once they are out of your mouth you cannot reclaim them.

2.      Know and Study Your Audience

Remember that while most people will claim that they are open minded the truth is that most people are only looking for people who say what they want to hear. While you are busy saying a whole lot of things they are listening to you in an idle manner. You only get their peak attention and concentration when you touch on the topics and issues they want to hear. In order to increase your oratory power you need to study the audience you will address beforehand so that you know what to say and how to say it. You cannot be a generic speaker and be powerful. You have to speak in a way that is specifically aimed and targeted at your audience.

3.      Evoke powerful emotions in your audience

Remember after some time, people will no longer remember what you say, but they will remember how you make them feel. Any great speaker is able to move the hearts of the audience, by evoking powerful emotions in the very audience. Your words should be able to cause great feelings to spring forth inside your audience. When you are able to make people feel, what few others can make them feel, and then you wield a power that can make those people act in a certain manner that you intend. Evoking the emotions of your audience usually involves speaking about the issues that either once affected those people or currently involve them. Questions can be used while speaking to summon the audience to carry out personal reflections, or even the use of poetry and music can drive the message home.

4.      Speak to be heard and Understood not to confuse

Most people especially those who speak public, on public forums, televisions and radios think that it makes them seem important to use very huge words while speaking. That is an untruth that comes mainly from our history of colonisation where some people felt like impressing their audience by being more English than the English themselves. Desist from using words that would make your audience look for a dictionary in order to get the message of your speech. In fact all powerful speakers know that their intention is to pass a message that result in conviction and then action.

5.      Listen Well

You cannot speak well, if you are not able to listen well. Listen usually comes first. Those people who rush to speak before they hear often commit serious mistakes that they cannot redeem themselves from. It is wise to listen twice and speak once, and they say that is why we have two ears and one mouth. If you cannot listen to others you will not be able to speak in a way that touches them. Sadly some people are not even able to listen to themselves when they speak, and you wonder why they have a hope of being speakers of great renown.

Remember that in order for one to achieve great and lasting success, there is need to use oratory abilities to position and market yourself well. You have to be able to lure people to cooperate with you.

Till next week, God bless you all.

Ciao…

The writer is a Motivational Teacher and can be contacted on glendhliwayo@gmail.com

This article is also published in Zimbabwe's Biggest Weekend Paper on this link: http://www.herald.co.zw/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=80819:how-to-become-a-great-orator&catid=83:coo-llife-style#.Ua2IprU_vIU

The Power of the Right Choice

http://www.herald.co.zw/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=79799:making-the-right-choice-&catid=83:coo-llife-style